I’m not a great fan of small talk at the best of times. I’d rather say nothing than talk for the sake of it. And I’d rather leave the room than talk about nothing with someone I don’t know (or don’t like, depending). I’m not impolite, I just can’t be asked with it all. And then there are those that are not content with small talk alone. No, these people are the bullshitters. These people I do not like.

I was at a party yesterday, an outdoor affair with lots of people that I kind of know from this person’s previous parties. There is this girl, I say girl, but really she’s older than me. She’s just a bit fucking nuts, lives with her also crazy parents, and is so different than me that I can’t wrap my head around her.

I remembered that she worked in early childhood education as a teacher’s aid and I wondered if she worked for the same program that I do. You know, find some common ground and maybe she’s not that awful. She said no, but then carried on about how my place of employment is considered a state job, how great the wages are, the benefits, OMG! and how hard it is to get into it. I didn’t stop her, because… well, it’s my job, I know it’s not a fucking money making dream job. Even though I’m not a teacher’s assistant, I know how much they make. So… I smiled, nodded, and walked away. And kind of berated myself for making any sort of effort. I do know better after all.

Later she was relating the story of how she nearly got attacked by a grizzly bear. She finished the story with an impish grin about how fit she is to run for two miles with an 80 pound hiking pack on her back while being chased. By a BEAR. Dude. So many things wrong with this story. One - girl can’t weigh any less than two-fifty, add an eighty pound pack to that, and she’s not going anywhere very fast. Two - a motherfucking GRIZZLY bear? Really? I mean, of all the even semi-believable tales she could have concocted. They are on the endangered list in Washington. There are what? Three left in the state… and not only did she happen upon one, but got chased by it? Three - Grizzly bears can run 30 MPH…. and she? Out. Ran. It.

To make it better, the entire time she’s telling this story, she’s hobbling around on crutches. Because she’s had repeated knee surgeries since she was like 10 or something (if one can believe anything she said).

So, in summary: Two miles of running faster than legal in a school zone, carrying a good 300 pounds at least, on gimpy fucking knees while being chased by a grizzly bear. And surviving to tell the tale.

That is amazing people, aMAYzing.