School picture day as an adult… it’s far, far less exciting.

I forgot completely about the whole picture thing being today. My hair was a wild, wild mess. Wait, it IS a wild, wild (and unwashed) mess. My clothes not only didn’t match, but there is a STAIN on my cardigan. I threw on some jeans and bright yellow flats before I left, but I thought pretty seriously about wearing gray yoga pants… you know, to complete the look. However, I didn’t, even though my boss IS out of town. I might be scrubby, and I might think wearing a red camisole with white polka dots, a blue cardigan and yellow shoes is a good idea. But sweats to work is where I draw the line.

I sat down and let the guy place my hands where he wanted them. I got a little weirded out when he reached inside my collar to move hair off my neck… and then I flipped the fuck out when he started rubbing the stain on my breast and said not to worry, he’d make sure that didn’t show up in the picture. Then he fucking WINKED at me.

Dude. If I leave the house looking this way, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that I’m not too worried about it showing in any god damned picture you’re taking.

Is this what little girls are submitted to when they get all dressed up, with their hair curled, for picture day? Or does he save his shit for scrubby adults? Either way, it’s pretty disturbing. I mean. Maybe I could at least understand it if I were looking so fucking hot he just couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

But really. Today, I’m not. At all.