Sep 24th, 2008 by toryssa
The financial aspect of being a single parent is weighing heavily on me lately. So much so that I’ve considered posting an ad on craigslist saying something to the effect of: I can cook and I give stellar head… fancy paying half my mortgage?
I’m starting to feel like I can’t do it on my own… and of all the reasons to get into a relationship, this is the one that I hate most. I hate the idea of being with someone because I need to be. I want to want, not need, and I want to be wanted rather than needed.
But. Holy fuck.
I work, we are not destitute by any means. We aren’t going without food or amenities of any sort. The only thing the Kid wants, but doesn’t have, is a four wheeler. And that, I’m pretty sure he’d have if I didn’t think he’d kill himself within moments of getting on. Our basic needs, and most of our wants, are covered.
However.
I hate where we’re living. HATE it. I hate coming home. I’m frustrated and fed up and just walking in the front door makes me feel like a monumental failure (even if I logically know it’s ridiculous). Kids are resilient, but they are also perceptive. A stressed mother makes a stressed kid. I pretend everything is fine every day… but it wears thin, and I know I’m handling it badly.
That said, it seems to be the only house I can afford in the entire fucking area while still maintaining our quality of life. We could downsize and find an apartment. There would then be the issue of how much my kid adores being outside, and how fond of having a safe place to ride his bike and hang out with his pets he is. Maybe there would be a playground in the complex, but frankly (I don’t know how to say this without sounding awful and so far up my own ass, but all the same) the stereotypical family in my earning bracket? I don’t want my child hanging out with their kids. There would also be a change in school districts, and while the one we’re in now isn’t perfect by any means, it’s a lot better than the others around here.
I could quit my job and find a better paying one, but the great thing about my job is that it allows me to actually be a parent. I drop D. off at school every morning and he’s with someone other than me for less than an hour twice a week. The other days I go get him from school and he comes to my office with me. I have all school holidays off, and the summer’s too. I have loads of sick/vacation time and an extremely understanding and flexible boss. Also, I kind of love what I do. Not all jobs are like this.
There is a balance somewhere I just need to find it before I go insane.
7 Responses to “Happy Hump Day!”
I’m sorry you aren’t happy with the current situation. I hope that you can find balance and peace with your surroundings. As much as I adore you, I am baffled that some hot stud doesn’t think the same. You will find your perfect match, probably when you least expect it. Which makes waiting a lot less fun.
I don’t really like where I live either. Not the house, but the area. God, I live in a beautiful town, a really rich town. 3 malls, a university, etc.. I live in the part of town where we’re called *river rats* or *mud kids* because we flood. The less desirable side, the low income side. But fuck it.. it’s all I could afford, you know. My taxes are super low, the schools are good (not stellar), and I fixed up the inside of my place to make me and the family feel good. The outside isn’t so pretty but I can live with that.
Girly - you are still in your 20’s.. you finished up your schooling!! you got a good job!! you have awesome hours!! *you have a GREAT kid* ~ you’ve accomplished so much all on your own. I really believe that more good things are in store for you.. like a good guy, a better place to live, moving up in the workplace… it’s all just gonna have to happen when the time is right. I feel your frustration though…
I think Bella summed up my sentiment pretty well!! So Ditto what she said. But for real, let me know how that Craig’s List add goes, maybe I’ll give it a whirl!
OR… you and I could become lesbian lovers, we move in together, our kids can play, and both our incomes should afford us a nice life together!
Can I have your job? I envy the time you have with your son. I wish we could move. We have our daughter in private school because the schools suck where we live. I like our location but I would love to boot some of my neighbors from the neighborhood. In all, it is cheaper to stay where we are and pay for private school than it is to move. How sad is that? Or you and Misty could become lesbian lovers.
Double ditto what Bella said.
What is it about your place that you hate?
Ditto what i said :)
No, I’m kidding. I just came back here to see what’s up and stuff. xo
If you don’t like how things are right now, just hang in there a little while… All this world ever does is change.